How to Find Your Tribe

I’m hitting a point in my life where I don’t want a big group of friends. Back in college, that was the optimal state. Not anymore.

I’d much rather go deep with a close tribe and tight inner circle.

Depth over breadth, in a sense.

Sanctum Sanctorum

Robert Caro is one of America’s greatest biographers.

He won two Pulitzer prizes and two National Book Awards for his work. In his most recent biography, Caro dives into the importance of tribes.

He talks about his experience at The New York Public Library’s Allen Room on Fifth Avenue. Caro describes it as a private “sanctum sanctorum for writers” to work alongside one another, share meals, and write for months on end.

He attributes an enormous portion of his success in drafting and shipping The Power Broker to this writing community on Fifth Ave.

These tribes exist everywhere today, albeit digitally.

Slack groups, Discord channels, Telegram threads, the list goes on. Every industry or niche interest is accounted for. At The Proof, I run a private Slack channel for founders and investors that like to nerd out about wellness.

However, this essay isn’t about operating within these tribes. That’s the easy part. Rather, I’m writing this as a guide to finding them in the first place.

If you’re new to living online, this is for you.

Find Yourself First

Finding your tribe occurs in tandem with finding yourself — discovering your true nature, genuine interests, and what makes you happy.

It sounds trite, but it’s damn true.

The first step is being ruthlessly honest with yourself about where your genuine curiosity lies. The type of ideas you think about endlessly in the shower.

If crypto fascinates you, great. Start there.

If writing fascinates you, brilliant. Start there.

Step two is connecting with people like yourself. This part is tough because it requires deep vulnerability while also going on the offensive.

If you see someone on socials, whether it’s Twitter, Insta, Linkedin, or TikTok, reach out to them. Be open. Be vulnerable. Drop your ego. If you think you’d get along with someone IRL, just shoot them a DM.

In the beginning, most folks won’t respond. That’s fine.

But once you get a single yes, everything changes in an instant.

That person might hop on a call with you. And that person might just change your life. Repeat this process again and again.

If you get along, fantastic. If not, no worries, begin again.

My three dominant interests lie at the intersection of wellness, eCommerce, and early-stage investing. Anytime I’m scrolling on socials and someone’s bio or relevant content catches my eye, I’ll just reach out and say hey.

Reaching out to new people, or what I refer to as offense, is a habit. If you work at it enough, day after day, it becomes secondhand. Cultivate this skill.

Staying on Offense

Once you learn to go on offense and be vulnerable with people you reach out to, they’ll start to pull you into their own tight-knit circles, introducing you to friends and new digital tribes you didn’t even know existed.

As you dive deeper and deeper into specific niches of the internet, more friends and more communities will continue to emerge in quick succession.

This process is similar to the classic refrain, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” The same goes for tribal members.

When the member is ready, the tribe will appear.

Sure, you’ll meet friends, mentors, and business partners. But the best part? You’ll find yourself along the way. You’ll start to nerd out and go deep on curiosities that have long been left dormant in the depths of your psyche.

In tandem, you’ll start to flex new muscles and develop adjacent interests.

And more importantly, you’ll find a tribe where you truly feel part of something bigger than yourself. You’ll meet folks with parallel interests and similar values from a range of diverse backgrounds around the digitized world.

The best tribes bottle an intangible magical quality.

This magic extends to each individual and the community as a whole. We’re hardwired to pull energy from those around us, so be wary of which tribes you belong to. Your tribe will dictate not only your professional ambition and career focus but also your day-to-day fulfillment.

Tribes have the power to reshape your identity, values, and lifestyle design. At the end of the day, you’re a direct product of the tribes you belong to.